Adam and his mom with the boy, May 2011.
I'm sure I had grand intentions to teach our son correct speech patterns before he came rather abruptly into this world, but that all went out the window the first time I saw him. I open my mouth planning to talk like one human to another, but he gives me a grin between that set of dimples and my resolve melts until I'm gibbering like an idiot.
See, there's a part of me that recognizes that the torrent of garbled mismatched consonants and squeaks that's pouring out of my mouth is just retarded, but I can't seem to help it. Just like I can't seem to help referring to the boy, Adam or myself in the third person. For example:
Scene: I walk in the door. Hyrum is in the crib, kicking his legs and busily trying to shove one or both fists in his mouth.
Me: Hiiiiiiiii boy! How's my littlest son? How's my littlest littlest son? How's my son sunny bun?
Hyrum: [gurgle gurgle squeeeeeeeak]
Me: Yes! Yes! Dat's my boy! Da mama's so excited to see the boy! Yes she is! Yes she is!
At this point, I'm reaching the squealing point and almost hopping up and down, I'm so excited to see him.
Hyrum: [squeeeeak GAG]
He removes his fist from his mouth just long enough to attempt to vacate the contents of his stomach, then gives me a watery-eyed grin
Me: Oh, da mama loves you. Dat mama looooooooooves da boy. Da mama loves the littlest littlest boy.
The boy gives me a huge silent grin, followed by a giant velociraptor squeak and more leg kicking.
This exchange goes on ad nauseam while I scoop him out of the crib and change his diaper and feed him and love him and call him George. Okay, we don't actually call him George, but we have called him every single one of these names in the last four months:
The Boy (or just plain "Boy")
Hyrum Boy
The Lad
Littlest Son
Littlest Littlest Son
Son Sunny Bun
Son on the Run
Mr. Moo
Mr. Moo Moo Magoo
Grumpus Lumpus
Poops Magoo (or Mr. Poopus Magoo)
Little Lump
This (as in, "Can you hold this?" when I'm getting up from the couch and handing the boy off to Adam)
All you who are guilty of baby talk, please share your favorite moments and nicknames.
7 quips:
Squishy--often squishy face or squishy pants--tends to be my default these days. For she is squishy and she shall be mine and she shall be my squishy.
We tend to adopt the baby names from other babies. Anna called her cousin Eva "Ewa"... It's hard to spell the proper pronunciation of that. "Ewa" in turn calls Eliza "Maliza" and that has stuck so far.
Well. Obviously I don't have any children, so I don't have any good baby talk moments to share.
BUT,
when I read your script I laughed and laughed because whenever I watch videos of our puppy, I always feel ridiculous hearing myself. I'm like "Good girl, GOOD girl, what a good girl. You're such a good girl! YEssss, what a good dog. Yesss, good girl. Good puppy." Etc. And like, the dog isn't doing anything at all in the movie, so it just sounds silly.
Which is why I basically never post videos of the dog, because they embarrass me. Now when I film our farm/ dog/ whatever, I try to not say anything at all. That isn't much better, though, because then I just have unnaturally silent films.
Whatever.
Oh, I guess we have nicknames for the dog. Want to hear those?
Mostly we call her Chalcy, because that's her name. But, we do also call her "Puppy" "Big dog" and "Madamme Slobber-Lobber."
You are not alone. We always joke about the fact that Everett will likely never know he has a name. Or if he does he'll think it's Brown, or Little, or Britches, or sometimes we just call him "the bairn." And there are plenty of objects he will be confused at. The only one coming to mind at the moment is the "schnoozler" (the little nose suction things to clear out snot), but seriously... judging by the way I articulate, it'll be a miracle if he learns to speak without squeaks and strange noises to describe everything. Just wait until he starts mimicking everything you say. Then you start realizing just how silly you sound. =)
I am so glad you have admitted to doing this. I'm afraid to say that it is utterly impossible to avoid. You are a true mother now and I'm very proud to call you my sister. (not that I wasn't before). I still do this ALL THE TIME. Love it!
I do the same. When Valette takes her long naps I am always so excited to see her when she wakes up. I missed her.
She gets called a bunch of things but I do not think we are as creative as you.
Valette, My Baby
Pretty
Pretty Girl
Sweet Girl
Sweetheart
Hungry Hippo
Hungry Hungry Hippo
I can't think of any others...
my favorite one is "this"...i do it all the time to my Dotti, which can be weird if you think i also call my drink, books, bags, remotes, dinner plate, and such "this" as well. hope she doesn't scar for life.
ps. you're funny!
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